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Black Girls Can’t Be Superheroes? My Kickstarter Adventure – Week 2


“You have a lot working against you,” Q.T. said.  “You can’t be a witch, a bitch and black, you will lose your entire potential audience.
Black girls can’t be superheroes, it just doesn’t sell.  Then you are using ‘witch’ which scares a lot of black people off and those that do stick around will be offended by the word ‘bitch’,” he casually finished and then sipped his coffee like he had just given me the time.  This was not the time I needed to hear this, considering I am currently running a Kickstarter for a web series featuring a superhero-type character, “The Confessions of a Witch Bitch.”  Although, I went to him to get some suggestions on how to market my Kickstarter campaign better, I was not prepared to be shut down and dismissed.

“So, would it have just been better if I did a show about being a slave or a maid?”  I sarcastically and defensively quipped back.  “Probably,” he mockingly responded.  “Or something religious. Black women in fantasy roles is just not how the world sees you.”

Something inside of me was unsettled after that conversation and when I checked my gut, I realized, a part of me believed him.  Last week was a good week, “The Confessions of a Witch Bitch” received national press on three blogs and I got an interview on one of the top radio shows in Memphis, TN.  We still have about three weeks left in the campaign and about $12,700 more dollars to raise.  Sometimes, I look at that number and think how in the world is that even possible.  Then I look at it again and break it down, “If 508 donated $25 in three weeks, I will make goal.”  It sounds less overwhelming when I think of it like that.

I actually considered “The Confessions of a Witch Bitch” my more “censored” work compared to “Tricks.”, but the title has proven to be a hit or miss.  I’ve thought about changing it to something bland, boring and filled with less charge and every time I consider it, a part of me loses interest in the project.  Being a woman of color who loves science fiction, thrillers, horror and fantasy does not win a lot of fans – initially, but I’ve always believed that if I produced strong work then it would speak for itself.

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I’m Still Standing – My Chaotic First Week on Kickstarter…


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As I close in my first week of my very first crowdfunding/Kickstarter campaign, for “The Confessions of a Witch Bitch”, a web series about witches, bitches, bullies and office politics (Oh my!),  I can reflect a little bit. This has single handedly been the most exciting and exhausting week of my life and I’ve shot two movies.

It all started Monday when the emails went out. At first, it was crickets, not one single pledge and I started to get nervous. Doubts began to invade my mind as I found myself asking “Really, no one is going to pledge? People seemed so supportive. Maybe they don’t really like the idea. Maybe they really don’t like me. Time to start reaching out to journalists a little sooner than I thought.” All kinds of doubts were racing through my head and within 45 minutes, I made a choice to release it. Those who get it, will get it. Those who donate will donate and if I don’t get a single donation, I will move on to plan 2. Then Plan 3. Then Plan 4. Then Plan 5. And exhaust every avenue until my 35 day run was over.

Then it happened, I got an alert that I had my very first backer. Then I got another alert, then another. Soon they started rolling in. We were on a roll! I had a goal I needed to reach by Day 1 and it looked like it was going to happen.

Then at 1:58 p.m., something strange happened. I was logged out of my Facebook account and my password could not get me back in. I tried to reset it, but whoever logged me out was already working on that themselves and Facebook did not allow me to. My stomach sunk. Outside of email, my main Facebook page was my driving force behind the campaign. Why, out of all of the days, was this happening now? Other strange things happened that day too, my boyfriend discovered his car had been tampered with in a very dangerous way and I could not get the website up that I wanted to use for my close friends. I then had to go and help fix something at my job and I was on vacation. I mistakenly thought I had beaten Murphy’s law because I meticulously planned and was prepared.

Thankfully, I was able to log back into my Facebook account for long enough to drive my donations up to about $1,600 – not bad for a first day, first timer. It was in the can…or so we thought. I didn’t know how I was able to get back into Facebook, so when I logged out to go to my private page, I had forgotten that I no longer knew my password. Once I logged out, I could not log back in. After I harassed a Facebook ads representative, he directed me to a page on Facebook that provided instructions for hacked accounts. I followed them and lo and behold, I was able to change my password! However, the catch was I had to wait 24 hours before I could access my account again. WHAT?!!!! I freaked out! That was an entire day I would not be able to promote my campaign on my main page. I felt weak inside. All of this hard work, all of this effort sank because of some low life asshole.

After I wallowed in self-pity for a little while, I reminded myself of what other successful entrepreneurs go through all of the time. This was nothing but a setback. So I asked my sister, mother and boyfriend to promote for me on that day while I worked the rest of my emails and ran ads.

It helped, but didn’t have the same impact as it did coming from my page. I took the hit. So, I then sent out my second tier of emails. And that within itself was chaos. An email message I cancelled, went out anyway and some people ended up receiving duplicate messages from me. I was horrified! This was the worst time to be thought of a spammer and I definitely don’t like spam. I quickly sent out an apology email and encouraged those who wished not receive emails from me to unsubscribe.

I was actually reluctant about sending those second set of emails out, because the majority of my contacts came from my Facebook friend’s list. Most people on Facebook want to keep things on Facebook, myself included. However, there was no way I could send each of my Facebook friends a message and Facebook not put up a red flag on me for sending out too many of them.  So I decided to do email.

The results were mixed. Some people were offended that I contacted them outside of Facebook, some were offended that I contacted them at all while others were very happy I reached out and they pledged.

One thing I learned about Kickstarter, that other veteran Kickstarters warned me about was, you really get to see, transparently, who supports you. Some people who I did not think cared, pledged generously. Many people promised to pledge in the next few weeks, which was very encouraging. Others who I thought were on board, didn’t as much as share or respond. I even received an email from a woman wanting to be cast in the show. I’ve never heard of her or from her and by my records, she hadn’t pledged or shared anything. She just wanted me to cast her. Yet others who did not have the funds, made up in other ways by becoming my cheerleaders and working hard to help get the word out. I was deeply humbled by this and thankful.

I had one woman decline to pledge because I use the term “Bitch” in my title. That was hard to hear, mainly because she did not have the context nor did she inquire. And I was reminded that I currently live in the South and the edgy material that I do is too much for many people to handle. Another friend indirectly encouraged me to change the title so I would not offend anyone and get more pledges. I refused to do that. What is the point of doing the show if I can’t tell the story the way I want to tell it? And judging by the 40+ pledges I’ve received, the media interviews and the countless other promises, everyone does not feel that way.

I had a long conversation with a very loyal, old friend last night and I explained to him all that I was experiencing during this campaign. He very bluntly said, “Dee, I’ve always loved your work. If you weren’t talented, I would tell you to go back into tv, but you are talented and you work hard. 100 people go for what you are going for and 99 of them give up when it gets tough. You’ve got to be that 1 motherfucker who stays in the game. Because if you get out just because it is tough and just because some feeble minds are trying to stop you, then you are not that 1 motherfucker and I can’t ride with you anymore.” His wording was colorful, but I got the message.

That same message was echoed over and over again by my family, my boyfriend and other friends – Stay in the game. And I have. I have about a month left in the campaign and I don’t know what’s going to happen. I do have a plan for if I succeed and I have for if I don’t, try again.

And truthfully, I hate asking people for money. This was the single most difficult thing for me to do, at times, I felt like I was begging and my ego was spiraling out of control. I’ve always been incredibly independent, so having to depend on not just one person, but a whole lot of people to make something happen was tough. Then I thought about it, no one is truly independent, even billionaires. They depend on the sale of their products in order to live. If the masses decided they no longer wanted what they were offering, those Billionaires would be deep up shit’s creek. So after I changed my perspective, it made a little bit easier to ask. One thing is for sure, Kickstarter gives you a swift, hard kick out of your comfort zone.

This has been a major learning experience, one I would gladly share with anyone. If you want to crowdfund here are a few tips I can offer:

1. Start early! Give yourself about 3-6 months of prep time if this is your very first campaign.

2. Go for the bare minimum amount you need to get your project going. My goal is to raise the barebone amount to produce the entire show, however, if we don’t hit goal, we will reboot to raise enough to shoot the first 2 to 3 episodes.

3. Build up your following – I already had a following from “Tricks.” but it was not broad enough, so I started working on that more. I just wish I had more time to really work that part.

4. Ask for help! I’ve been pulling 18 hours days on this campaign and I have some help. Next time, I will consider hiring a full time social media manager to free up my time to work other parts of the campaign.

5. Your friends and family will be your first cheerleaders, but don’t solely depend on them – Usually, 20 – 30% of your goal will come from them. And they will be your first cheerleaders and your most passionate supporters. You’ve also got to be ready to get people on the phone and start reaching out to blogs and the media too.

6. Have your media list already ready to go – This is the one thing I really did right. I prepared my media list 6 months ago and kept up with the journalist I plan to reach out to.

7. Don’t take anything personal. This was probably the hardest lesson for me but the most valuable. Everybody is not going to be interested in what you do. Most people are trying to navigate their own lives, so asking them for money in an already tight economy may be too much now. And some people will pledge towards the end, when they see time is running out. Whether they do or don’t, it’s not about you.

8. You will always get more “No’s” than “Yes’s”. – That is a fact. So prepare for that and go forth. Most successful people have failed many more times than they have succeeded.

9. Have some gratitude – The people who pledge are giving a portion of their hard earned money away because they believe in you and/or your dream.  Don’t take that lightly.  If if they only give $1.00, it’s $1.00 more than what you had.

10.  Be that One Motherfucker! – Stay Persistent!  Stay the course!  Be that one motherfucker (as my friend said) who does not quit.  Even when it looks bleak.  Try different ways of doing things.  And be patient, give it time to catch on.  You’ll intuitively know when something is working  and when it is not.

That’s about it. I will be keeping you guys updated on my Kickstarter journey. If you would like to make a donation, you can do so at: http://bit.ly/thewitchb.

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Is Revenge Always a Bad Thing?

Have you ever wanted to knock the BIG-BOOM-BANG-SMUCKADAT out of your co-worker? Does your boss act like they were Zeus in a former life? Do they just expect you to bow down to them when they enter the doggone room? What if you could get revenge in the exact way you wanted? What you do?

“The Confessions of a Witch Bitch” is a dramedy series told through the eyes of Alex, a scorned witch with a temper and a thirst for revenge who now has to get a job for the first time ever in her life.

She quickly has to learn to survive the world of office politics, employee backstabbing, ego tripping bosses and hidden agendas. As if things are not already complicated, she is ordered to learn how to solve her problems without using magic if she ever wishes to return home. But I’m sure you can imagine how that will go

If you hate office bullies and enjoy shows like “Bewitched” mixed with a lot of “Mean Girls” we’d be honored if you donated to our Kickstarter and help us get this show made. Click here to pledge: http://bit.ly/thewitchb

The Grudge – Why I Chose to Let Go of Hating Pat…

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I know. I know. It’s been a loooong time. But I promise you there is a good reason. I’ve been working my ass off!!! There isn’t much else I can offer other than that.

But since I am always evolving, I’m always discovering new things about myself and the world around me. And the latest revelation I had is – I really hate holding grudges. It is absolutely exhausting! And recently, that revelation was put to the test.


I had an opportunity to hate someone (we will call them, “Pat”) and I can name 10 reasons that it would have been justified. And I really, really tried to hate Pat. I said salty things about them, rolled my eyes whenever they were mentioned and became quiet whenever anyone said anything positive about them. However, one night, I went to my regular fight class and found that I could not concentrate. Moves and routines that I could do in my sleep, I was struggling with doing. When I stopped and checked myself, I realize it was because I holding a lot of negative emotions around Pat. I couldn’t punch as hard, I couldn’t jump as high when I kicked, I was no good.

In that moment, I made the decision to let go. My therapist/mentor told me something that really stuck with me – “DeAara, a part of you is trying to seek approval from people you don’t even like.” And that was true. For the most part, I realized that I really didn’t like Pat. Now, I’ve seen Pat be very kind, thoughtful and caring towards others but I’ve also seen them throw shade at people they claim they love, mock “friends” who were not in their presence and repeatedly violate trust and boundaries. So yes, Pat could be kind, but so could Hitler…and we all know how that turned out.

The point is, I realized that a part of me was seeking acceptance from someone that I did not like and who obviously did not like me. So why was I doing this? I’m sure there are a number of childhood variables that play a part and me figuring it out would do no good if I was still suffering. So I decided to work through the pain. And you know what I discovered? It was not about Pat. It was about rejection – and that wound ran deeper than my relationship with Pat ever went. So I worked it and worked it and worked it. And when I got to the other side, in that moment, I felt only compassion for Pat and for myself.

And my energy came back! I realized I was bored with drama, made up stories and misunderstandings. I’m launching a web series, finally marketing my film and getting great results, dating a wonderful man who by all accounts I’m probably going to marry one day. I had no interest in ruminating over something or someone I had no control over.

Inevitably, I will run into Pat again. What will I do? I will speak. I will be myself. If they speak in return, great. If they don’t, no hard feelings. It really is – no thing.

Holding grudges really does trip up other parts of our lives. Letting go doesn’t mean you have to let that person back in, it just means that you open yourself up to the Universe’s blessings and gifts. And that is so much more rewarding than hating someone or seeking the acceptance of a person whom you don’t even like.

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I Just Want a Fucking Burger…

Starting a diet is easy, staying on it is tougher. Sometimes, no matter how healthy the food is, no matter how much weight you’ll lose, by the end of the day, you just want a fucking burger.

Gossipers and Flies I do Despise…

“What is the concrete, tangible effect?” This is what my Life Coach asked me yesterday when I was expressing my sadness and anger about some people who behaved in some pretty hurtful ways towards me, including making snide remarks behind my back, in my face, trying to sway a group of people to view me with their same bitter and warped projections they had and a part of me felt powerless.

I didn’t understand what he meant until he broke it down. He asked was I in contact with any of these people regularly. No. Do I work for them. No. Are they affecting my ability to create and produce my show. No. Is their behavior influencing how he or my close family or real friends view me. No.

When I really thought about it, all they could do was talk. That’s it. No other violations had taken place and yes, it hurt, but it really showed me who they were, not that I didn’t already know. They weren’t foolish enough to put their hands on me, they just ran their mouth. And if their words can influence the minds of people who have never taken the time to get to know me, those are people who I have no desire to engage with anyway.

The only time it really matters what people say or do is if it has a concrete, tangible effect on One’s life. I can’t make people like me. I can’t make people not gossip about me. I can’t make people understand me, accept me, want to be my friend. I can’t control what ideas they will form about me, what they post, whether or not they speak to me or invite me to something. And yes, it may sting, but I won’t die from it. It is not affecting my ideas, my ability to walk, go to work, eat, breath. At worst, MY feelings are hurt – and that I CAN CONTROL.

The only thing on this planet that we have any type of control over are our perceptions and how we choose to respond to things. That’s it. And I choose to limit my interactions with unworthy witnesses who have nothing better to do than point out all the flaws in others in order to give their own worthless lives some miniscule meaning.

Is Your Husband Cheating? What You Mad For?

Women who have ever dealt with a husband/boyfriend cheating and the “other” woman doing everything she can to break you all up will be able to relate to my next “monorhyme” – What You Mad For? This came right out of my personal experience that is well chronicled on this blog.  So if you dig it, give it a thumbs up, leave comments on Youtube and share it!

The Pastor and the Prostitute

When I was writing my film, “Tricks.” I interviewed a woman who shared with me her experience dealing with a Baptist preacher and his congregation who judged her.  I thought it was an excellent story line, but “Tricks.” was already too long and I had to start editing it down and couldn’t add anymore storylines.  I never forgot that story and decided to do something with it when I started producing, “The People Inside My Head.”

Since I do “monorhymes”, I thought was one of the coolest songs to perform this rhythmic monologue to would be Nicki Minaj’s “Beez in the Trap.”  I had meant to do this last year, but it took “The People Inside My Head” a little longer to crank up.  So here it is, watch, share your thoughts and share the video!

Why I Really Thought God Hated Me…Part IV

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Continued from “Why I Really Thought God Hated Me…Part III”

After I released the energy around that situation, my heart started beating even faster. Colors became more vibrant. Sounds more crisp. I didn’t know what was happening, something just told me to stick with it, stay the course. So on December 10, 2012, I decided to do something about my weight for real. I had the exercising down. I had been doing it for two years in fight class and lost 20 pounds while gaining a considerable amount of muscle. But my eating was off. Working out for two hours and then eating a cheeseburger was counter-productive to say the least. I got serious, cleaned out my pantry and stocked up on healthier foods.

Then another set back. One day within my new way of eating, one of my rental properties got completely destroyed by a fire. A day before my birthday! And I so wanted to go to that place again. That dark place. That place that reminds me that God really doesn’t love me and will make sure that I suffer no matter how hard I work to dig myself out of it. But I wouldn’t allow myself to go there. I was in tears as I drove to my rental property, completely furious with the tenant who already was a slow-to-no-payer. I was paying the mortgage on my own often because she didn’t have the rent and now the damn house was on fire?! Why the hell is all of this happening, I thought.

Yet, my parts were working themselves out in the background and something suddenly hit me on the way to the house – I had property insurance. I owed much less on the house than the house was worth, so no matter what, I was covered. Although I was nervous and my heart went out to my tenant who lost everything, I was relieved to know that I wasn’t going to have another huge financial setback. The house was deemed a complete lost and it was totaled, literally. Although I felt sad at the loss of the income, I was relieved I didn’t have to deal with that tenant anymore. Hell, I was relieved I only had one rental property left with a good, timely tenant.

Things slowly picked up after that. I stayed the course with my diet, the weight started to melt off and one day my Facilitator introduced a new technique to me that completely revolutionized the intrapersonal work we were doing. The process went so deep and was so compassionate that I was flooded with tears when we finished. He walked me through a process where I let all of my parts know that I was the love, the light, the joy, the innocence, the courage, the confidence, the creativity, the clarity that they thought they lost. I let them know that I loved and accepted them, no matter how deep their secrets, how dark their shame. And the only mistake they made was forgetting that I (SELF) had always been there. That I will always be there. I was there before conception and I will be there during their transition out of this life and beyond. And that’s when it hit. That’s when I realized that I was God. That’s when it all came together. Everything I had been learning, all the work that I had been doing. I finally got it intuitively, not just intellectually. The hatred, the punishment, the things-never-work-out, nobody-likes-me mentality came from wounded parts in me, not the God in me. God, the Light, the Sun, the Universe or however Ones sees it is incapable of that type of existence.

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Why I Really Thought God Hated Me…Part III

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Continued From “Why I Really Thought God Hated Me…Part II”

In 2011, my heart was slowly started to beat again. Fighting and taking medication for insulin-resistance knocked about 20 pounds off of me by that time. I was feeling a little better. And I met somebody. It was such a relief to connect with someone who had a like-mind and spirit, to know that I was still desirable, that I tried not to pay attention to the red flags. But I had been doing my work and I was healing, so I couldn’t put a veil over my eyes like I did in the past. My parts were stronger now, had more clarity, loved me too much and after 7 months, that relationship ended. Initially, I went into panic mode. “Oh no, am I going to mourn him as long as I mourned my Ex before him?” “Is this breakup going to cripple and stall me the way the one before him did?” I was just getting my creativity back. I was writing again. I was slowly acting again. I was going to have to go through this shit all over again? I was devastated at the thought. I did go into a funk after the break up. But something odd happened – I only mourned it very deeply for about two weeks. This was unusual for me, because I’ve taken break ups hard in the past. After two weeks, however, I just couldn’t really get my hip into being sad over it. I examined the data and knew that, that was not a connection that was meant to be on that level. I got what I needed from it and I let it go. And that was the first real testament to the work that I was doing. I had no way of intellectually knowing how that was going to play out. But I had been working tirelessly on healing my inner parts so much so that SELF was able to step in and took care of it for me.

During this time, although I started getting better, I had a huge set back – my producing partner and one my best friends, Rod Pitts, had died at the age of 37. I went into a complete panic mode and the panic attacks hit an all-time high. I became compulsive about illness and disease. Every time a family member got sick, I panicked. And looking shit up on the internet didn’t make it any better. Someone connected to one of my family members was very insensitive and cruel about it. She didn’t understand what was going on, probably didn’t care and attempted to attack and shame me when one of my panic attacks happened in her presence. It was actually my grandmother who recognized that the attacks were very largely due to my friend mysteriously getting sick. And once again, I rolled up my sleeves and begin to work tirelessly through that pain with my facilitator. And my heart beat sped up even more as I released the pain and gave myself permission to really mourn his loss.

With Rod’s death and my latest breakup, I really had no desire to date. But I did have a strong desire to create. I fiend to be back on stage again, to be producing another movie, to be writing. I wanted to give “Tricks” its final push into the world so that I could release it. I was anxious to get “The People Inside My Head” off of the ground. My heart begin to beat faster. Soon enough I found myself waking up daily excited about life. It was slow, it was cautious, but it was there. I knew I wasn’t dead. I wasn’t a zombie.

Then another set back. A group I was a part of had issues with how I handled the promotion of an event we were producing. One of the members approached me in what I believed to be a very disrespectful and condescending way. I was hurt, shocked, embarrassed and disappointed in myself. If he approached me this way, it could only be because the others had discussed their issues about me amongst themselves, I thought. The thought of that was very humiliating. How could I have dropped the ball on this and have an entire group hating me? In the past, I would have probably sucked up the email and tried to appease the person who was upset with me. But that was no longer who I was, my parts were working themselves out in the background and I didn’t want to do that anymore. I couldn’t. I was a different person. A person who ran to the roar instead of away from it. So I emailed this person back and called them out on what I believed their intentions were and set some very firm boundaries with how to approach me if there is conflict in the future. And I held myself accountable for the part that I played and my part only.

I was very hurt about what happened, very disappointed in myself. I was doing all of this work, how could I drop the ball on something so important where so many people were counting on me? My facilitator reminded me that shit happens and that’s how I learn from it. He commended me for holding myself accountable for my part while not taking on the burdens of others. And that’s when I made a decision I would leave the group at the end of the year. I learned a lot about choosing my time wisely and not over staying my welcome in any situation. And not to be so hard on myself when I mess up, because I will mess up. And shit does happens.

Click Here to Read Part 4 of “Why I Really Thought God Hated Me.”

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