• DeAara Lewis

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Is Revenge Always a Bad Thing?

Have you ever wanted to knock the BIG-BOOM-BANG-SMUCKADAT out of your co-worker? Does your boss act like they were Zeus in a former life? Do they just expect you to bow down to them when they enter the doggone room? What if you could get revenge in the exact way you wanted? What you do?

“The Confessions of a Witch Bitch” is a dramedy series told through the eyes of Alex, a scorned witch with a temper and a thirst for revenge who now has to get a job for the first time ever in her life.

She quickly has to learn to survive the world of office politics, employee backstabbing, ego tripping bosses and hidden agendas. As if things are not already complicated, she is ordered to learn how to solve her problems without using magic if she ever wishes to return home. But I’m sure you can imagine how that will go

If you hate office bullies and enjoy shows like “Bewitched” mixed with a lot of “Mean Girls” we’d be honored if you donated to our Kickstarter and help us get this show made. Click here to pledge: http://bit.ly/thewitchb

The Grudge – Why I Chose to Let Go of Hating Pat…

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I know. I know. It’s been a loooong time. But I promise you there is a good reason. I’ve been working my ass off!!! There isn’t much else I can offer other than that.

But since I am always evolving, I’m always discovering new things about myself and the world around me. And the latest revelation I had is – I really hate holding grudges. It is absolutely exhausting! And recently, that revelation was put to the test.


I had an opportunity to hate someone (we will call them, “Pat”) and I can name 10 reasons that it would have been justified. And I really, really tried to hate Pat. I said salty things about them, rolled my eyes whenever they were mentioned and became quiet whenever anyone said anything positive about them. However, one night, I went to my regular fight class and found that I could not concentrate. Moves and routines that I could do in my sleep, I was struggling with doing. When I stopped and checked myself, I realize it was because I holding a lot of negative emotions around Pat. I couldn’t punch as hard, I couldn’t jump as high when I kicked, I was no good.

In that moment, I made the decision to let go. My therapist/mentor told me something that really stuck with me – “DeAara, a part of you is trying to seek approval from people you don’t even like.” And that was true. For the most part, I realized that I really didn’t like Pat. Now, I’ve seen Pat be very kind, thoughtful and caring towards others but I’ve also seen them throw shade at people they claim they love, mock “friends” who were not in their presence and repeatedly violate trust and boundaries. So yes, Pat could be kind, but so could Hitler…and we all know how that turned out.

The point is, I realized that a part of me was seeking acceptance from someone that I did not like and who obviously did not like me. So why was I doing this? I’m sure there are a number of childhood variables that play a part and me figuring it out would do no good if I was still suffering. So I decided to work through the pain. And you know what I discovered? It was not about Pat. It was about rejection – and that wound ran deeper than my relationship with Pat ever went. So I worked it and worked it and worked it. And when I got to the other side, in that moment, I felt only compassion for Pat and for myself.

And my energy came back! I realized I was bored with drama, made up stories and misunderstandings. I’m launching a web series, finally marketing my film and getting great results, dating a wonderful man who by all accounts I’m probably going to marry one day. I had no interest in ruminating over something or someone I had no control over.

Inevitably, I will run into Pat again. What will I do? I will speak. I will be myself. If they speak in return, great. If they don’t, no hard feelings. It really is – no thing.

Holding grudges really does trip up other parts of our lives. Letting go doesn’t mean you have to let that person back in, it just means that you open yourself up to the Universe’s blessings and gifts. And that is so much more rewarding than hating someone or seeking the acceptance of a person whom you don’t even like.

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Is Your Husband Cheating? What You Mad For?

Women who have ever dealt with a husband/boyfriend cheating and the “other” woman doing everything she can to break you all up will be able to relate to my next “monorhyme” – What You Mad For? This came right out of my personal experience that is well chronicled on this blog.  So if you dig it, give it a thumbs up, leave comments on Youtube and share it!

Why I Really Thought God Hated Me…Part IV

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Continued from “Why I Really Thought God Hated Me…Part III”

After I released the energy around that situation, my heart started beating even faster. Colors became more vibrant. Sounds more crisp. I didn’t know what was happening, something just told me to stick with it, stay the course. So on December 10, 2012, I decided to do something about my weight for real. I had the exercising down. I had been doing it for two years in fight class and lost 20 pounds while gaining a considerable amount of muscle. But my eating was off. Working out for two hours and then eating a cheeseburger was counter-productive to say the least. I got serious, cleaned out my pantry and stocked up on healthier foods.

Then another set back. One day within my new way of eating, one of my rental properties got completely destroyed by a fire. A day before my birthday! And I so wanted to go to that place again. That dark place. That place that reminds me that God really doesn’t love me and will make sure that I suffer no matter how hard I work to dig myself out of it. But I wouldn’t allow myself to go there. I was in tears as I drove to my rental property, completely furious with the tenant who already was a slow-to-no-payer. I was paying the mortgage on my own often because she didn’t have the rent and now the damn house was on fire?! Why the hell is all of this happening, I thought.

Yet, my parts were working themselves out in the background and something suddenly hit me on the way to the house – I had property insurance. I owed much less on the house than the house was worth, so no matter what, I was covered. Although I was nervous and my heart went out to my tenant who lost everything, I was relieved to know that I wasn’t going to have another huge financial setback. The house was deemed a complete lost and it was totaled, literally. Although I felt sad at the loss of the income, I was relieved I didn’t have to deal with that tenant anymore. Hell, I was relieved I only had one rental property left with a good, timely tenant.

Things slowly picked up after that. I stayed the course with my diet, the weight started to melt off and one day my Facilitator introduced a new technique to me that completely revolutionized the intrapersonal work we were doing. The process went so deep and was so compassionate that I was flooded with tears when we finished. He walked me through a process where I let all of my parts know that I was the love, the light, the joy, the innocence, the courage, the confidence, the creativity, the clarity that they thought they lost. I let them know that I loved and accepted them, no matter how deep their secrets, how dark their shame. And the only mistake they made was forgetting that I (SELF) had always been there. That I will always be there. I was there before conception and I will be there during their transition out of this life and beyond. And that’s when it hit. That’s when I realized that I was God. That’s when it all came together. Everything I had been learning, all the work that I had been doing. I finally got it intuitively, not just intellectually. The hatred, the punishment, the things-never-work-out, nobody-likes-me mentality came from wounded parts in me, not the God in me. God, the Light, the Sun, the Universe or however Ones sees it is incapable of that type of existence.

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Why I Really Thought God Hated Me…Part I

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For a long time I thought God hated me. I thought the Universe hated me. I thought Life hated me. I thought that whatever the joy that other people had, clearly was not intended for me. I could not understand why so many bad things had happened in my life and I worked so hard to be a good person.

About three years ago, my relationship ended bitterly, the guy ended up marrying the woman he cheated on me with and who harassed me all while boasting about how she had “taken” my man. I had to file bankruptcy. I had gained close to 50 pounds. I had a case of acne on the side of my face that would not clear up. My film “Tricks” hadn’t taken off the way I wanted it to and my producing partner of my film and other projects developed a strange illness that left him completely paralyzed from the neck down. I began to see for the first time how my presence truly was not welcomed nor desired at one of my relative’s home at a time when I needed them the most. And this was just my 2010.

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30 things that life experience has taught me that I want young women to know…

1. No means no. If you say it, mean it and stand by it.
2. If he is really into you, you won’t have to chase him.
3. People respect you less when you don’t stick to your boundaries.
4. Set boundaries!!!
5. You will lose friends and guys you like when you set boundaries.
6. You will also connect with more people with integrity and substance when set boundaries.
7. It really is okay to cry.
8. You are bigger than your family of origin.
9. And don’t sell out the people who you love.
10. Love yourself first.
11. Be slow to attack and quick to make amends.
12. Grudges hurt you more than the other person.
13. Don’t beg to be accepted by others.
14. If you have to work very hard and remain docile to be accepted by certain people, those aren’t the people for you.
15. Don’t move in with a man before you have lived on your own.
16. Don’t be in a rush to settle down. Take your 20’s to learn and explore who you are.
17. If he hits you, leave him or shoot him. Whichever one is the most convenient and/or will keep you out of jail.
18. Life will never be fair. It will just be.
19. Use condoms, regardless of how much you trust him.
20. Don’t ever let him take you to a cheap motel. If you really mean something to him, he’ll pay the price.
21. You will get your heart broken.
22. You will recover from it.
23. Think for yourself and stand in your own convictions, even if no one else agrees with you.
24. Learn how to think.
25. If he doesn’t open the door for you on the first date and he wasn’t born in a different country with different customs, consider it a red flag.
26. Be willing to walk away if you are unhappy.
27. Be willing to stay if it is worth it.
28. Know when it is worth it.
29. Know your own worth.
30. Know the sun never sets, even in the darkest times.

Who Would You Have to Be in Order for Them to Accept You? Coping with Rejection…

Rejection is something almost each and every one of us will deal with at some point in our lives. Facing it can be tough because many our insecurities and negative beliefs about ourselves come at us full force. So a question I ask myself that I encourage anyone who may be coping with rejection ask themselves is – who would you have to be in order for this person to accept you?

See, we can only be who we are. Even when we pretend to be someone else, our true personality will eventually surface, even if it’s just in glimmers and people will notice. So if who you are is counter to who that person wants you to be then the rejection is inevitable. No matter what, it was going to happen unless you completely sell yourself out.

If you are outspoken and they prefer more docile people, they were going to reject you. If you are quiet and they prefer more outgoing people, they were eventually going to reject you. If you exist and they don’t like that you exist, eventually, they would reject you for existing.

That was very freeing for me when I realized it. And it let me off the hook of trying so hard or in most cases at all. It also makes it a hell of a lot easier to set boundaries because I’m not hanging on the idea that I need their acceptance to function and live. So my suggestion – look at it as they did you favor. You are now free to be whoever you choose to be on your own terms.

Didn’t You See the Red Flag? Signs of Relationship Doom that Women Often Ignore…

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Admit it, you’ve asked yourself this before, “What the hell was I thinking?” after you’ve finally gotten over a relationship with a guy that you swore was “The One.”  The stars seemed to align, the signs that the two of you were meant to be seemed to be everywhere, even your grandmother was smitten by his charm and then something changed.  Something happened.  The relationship was suddenly on the rocks and that old feeling of when the love is gone crept back in. It seemed like it was overnight, but usually if we are brutally with ourselves, the signs were there all along.

I am no stranger to any of this.  My love life has been that of a roller coaster that is just recently starting to see stability.  So I decided to make a list of “red flags” that I have experienced and ignored and paid a serious price for ignoring.   This list is a little different however because I’m addressing common thoughts, feelings and beliefs women face when dating someone they want to be “The One” but find themselves constantly at odds.

Red Flag #1:  He repeatedly shuts down emotionally on you and does not tell you why.  Nothing pisses a woman off more or hurts her deeper than when a man shuts down on her.  It can be for various reasons and we all can do it when we feel overwhelmed, attacked or exposed.  However, if you find yourself walking on eggshells constantly trying not to say the “wrong” thing or trying to overly control your anger or vulnerability because you fear he will check out on you, you may want ask yourself why are you still there.  No matter what you do, nothing will change this behavior unless he decides from a core place within himself to do something about it because he wants to, not you.  Trying to force therapy or some type of recovery process, ultimatums or manipulation games won’t do anything but backfire and drain you and cause resentment in him.

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The Dating Down Syndrome – An Independent Woman’s Memoir on Clipping Her Wings to be Loved…Part II

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Continued from The Dating Down Syndrome – An Independent Woman’s Memoir on Clipping Her Wings to be Loved…Part I

Now I know what some of you “liberated” “anti-system” folks may be thinking, “Just because a guy does not open the door doesn’t make him selfish. Those are old ways that promote inferiority amongst women. Today’s woman is independent, self-sufficient and wants to be treated like an equal. So being treated like an equal comes with certain losses.”

A woman wants to and fights to be treated like an equal in the work place. A woman expects and deserves to be treated like an equal at home but first and foremost, a woman wants to be treated like a woman. In a relationship, it’s not always about being fair, it’s about being cherished.

And I seriously doubt if anyone in this country grew up on a small deserted island where there was no concept of chivalry. So what I’m saying is, yes, the practice is probably rooted in an expired tradition. Yes, its history probably suggests that women are somewhat helpless. But that’s not what it represents today. And men who do not do it usually often have much deeper character flaws when it comes to how they treat women and how they behave in relationships.

Another value that is deeply important to me in a relationship is a man who works and earns his own keep. This is a tricky area for me I must admit. Being an artist, especially when making the decision to go for One’s career full time, people often have to go for the “unemployed” status in order to do so. Work is sporadic and unpredictable and sometimes, especially in acting, a person can go for months without a gig.

I’ve never been a woman who didn’t understand that because it’s a sacrifice I will one day to make quite soon as well. So those are not the type of men I am speaking of. I am speaking of the ones who choose not to work because in their deluded head, they are somehow “bucking the system.” They despise the construct of this country so much so, they will not work for “The Man”, however they have no problem depending on other people who do so.

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The Dating Down Syndrome – An Independent Woman’s Memoir on Clipping Her Wings to be Loved…Part I

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Dating down. We all have done it. We all have silenced that little voice inside of us when we’ve connected with a guy (or girl) who we knew just wasn’t on our level. I don’t mean higher or lower, but we just weren’t speaking the same language. We hung in there anyway, hoping that one day our words, wants and desires would no longer be lost in translation. But learning sooner or later that we should have listened and heeded the warning of that little voice from the very beginning.

The other day I watched an episode of Sex and the City. This was the episode when Carrie was dating Berger and she received a very nice advance on her book while he was met with the fate of being dropped by the very same publisher.

Carrie tried, throughout the episode, to downplay her success so Berger wouldn’t feel inferior or insecure. For a hot second, it seemed that Berger had some awareness about himself when he confessed, “I don’t want to be that guy.” However, in the end, he fully became that guy, you know the one, intimidated by a woman’s success and broke up with Carrie via a post it note.

I remember thinking when I first watched this episode, “Too bad, if Carrie knew Berger was going to dump her anyway, she could have spent that time celebrating her achievements.”

However, the other night when I watched that same episode, my attitude wasn’t so matter-of-fact. I actually felt sad because I’ve lived a little more since Carrie’s ill-fated relationship with Berger first debuted to single women around the world.

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