• DeAara Lewis

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What I Lost, What I Gained, What I Learned…My recent experiences with life, love and success…

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It’s been a while since I’ve blogged mainly due to me working so hard on my one woman show and my screenplay “Who the Hell is Nikki Love?”  The hard work has not come without sacrifice, I haven’t had much of a social life since I’ve started and I’ve had to face some dark moments as I progress.

I’m still in mourning after losing one of my dearest friends, Rod Pitts, back in March of this year.  Not only was Rod a talented filmmaker with an extremely bright future he was one of the most loyal people you could ever know.

However, overall, 2012 has been a lot of better than 2010 and 2011.  For the first part of the year I was in a relationship and although it didn’t work out, I have no regrets and enjoyed it for the time that it lasted.  As many have professed when a relationship comes to an end – I learned a lot about myself.  I saw some ways I had progressed and some things I needed to still work on.  I trusted my instincts much more and set firm boundaries that I was non-negotiable on.  And when we both realized it was not going to work, I didn’t try to force it to work, I made peace with it and let it go.

And this time it was different.  I didn’t have the rigid cuts like from my previous relationship before that one.  I didn’t lay in bed for months hoping for a reconciliation or attempt to hold on to something that I knew was not in my best interest.  I guess because we mostly had a clean relationship with no betrayal, it was easier to let go.  Yes, a part of me felt angry and I moped around for about a week, but after that, something shifted and I couldn’t figure it out.

I had some sadness, but it wasn’t overwhelming.  I didn’t feel like life was over, actually I felt like it was just beginning.  I talked to my life coach about this and he told me that I wasn’t as plugged into this relationship as I was the one before.  It was healthier.  My vision was clearer and when I saw some things that weren’t working for me, I addressed them sooner.

I also realized that as much as a part of me wants a relationship, they have served more as a distraction than anything else as I go for my goals.  As of right now, it is still somewhat difficult for me to balance the two.  I really enjoy love and being in love but I also enjoy my work.  In a perfect world, I will have both, but as of right now, I have not met that “perfect” person who will truly understand what it’s like to date an ambitious, free thinking artistic soul who is a little off-beat.

Maybe it’s because I’m in the south still, I don’t know.  Or maybe it’s because what ABC news reported a few years ago – that it’s more black men than women, although I am an equal opportunity dater.  Or maybe it’s because my picker is still slightly off and I still choose men who see me as competition and not their mate.  Or maybe it’s because I’m not a traditional woman and want someone who is emotionally in tune with themselves and willing to do their work.  I think it’s a combination of all of these things to a degree, but most of all, I think it’s because I have some other things to do first, things I’m much more excited about; things I have much more certainty about and things that have been delayed greatly due to the amount of time I lost chasing up behind some guy who did not get me.

“Who the Hell is Nikki Love?” chronicles all of this and I hope it will inspire all women.  I’ve seen too many bright, physically and internally beautiful women reduce themselves to the lowest common denominator simply to be loved by a man whose worth equates to less than one cent.

I am not a male basher.  I know some good guys.  My friend, Rod, was one of them.  And he even acknowledged the epidemic rise of desperate women.  I don’t know what it is.  Maybe women have been conditioned to be more in tune to their feelings and this is frightening to most men.  There are a number of theories out but all I know is that I feel sad.  Very sad when I see amazing beautiful, bright, gifted women who are leaders in their craft completely eclipse their light and become a little more functioning than a zombie when their men come around.   Or the ones who are so insecure, so bruised, that they try to control every aspect of their men’s lives to the point of them not even wanting their men to have friends outside of them; or to even spend time with children from previous relationships.

I hope that by sharing my story and the stories of women close to me in my one-woman show that is debuting next month, “The People Inside My Head” and film that is currently in development, “Who the Hell is Nikki Love?” that women will see and experience different ways of existing that are healthier, freeing and more damn fun.

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One Response

  1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I enjoyed this post. Looking forwarded to your show and the launch of your website!

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