• DeAara Lewis

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So You Love Yourself? Really? Part I

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Love Yourself...

“Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” I have heard some variation of this saying all of my life. I have quoted it in some form or another when giving well-meaning advice and I have been told this many times. However, it really wasn’t until very, very recently I really started to understand what that means and why it is so important.

For more than two years I have been working very intensely on releasing all of the negative thoughts and feelings that have been holding me back in my life. As I have mentioned before in this blog, I primarily practice a power therapy called I.F.S. (Internal Family Systems) with a wonderful facilitator, although I have trained in other equally power methods and techniques for years including Psycho-Drama, E.F.T., P.E.A.T., E.M.D.R., Precision, Hypnosis, and the Sedona Method, I.F.S. so far has personally benefited me the greatest.

I.F.S. practices a concept called “Parts Work.” Instead of looking at the human being as one monolithic being, it sees us as a variety of parts. It has nothing to do with multiple personalities or anything like that, however the process does recognize that each part has its own story as to how it came to be. I.F.S. focuses on learning to speak for your parts and not from your parts. When a person speaks from their part, they are hijacked or so overwhelmed by that part’s wounds that they cannot think rationally or clearly. However, in order for the process to be effective, the person has to come from a place of SELF. From SELF, it has to be able to view these other parts that are wounded with some form of objectivity so that it can know how to help them. Once again, let me state, this is critical to the process being effective. Why?

Well, think about it like this, if your child was hit by a car and rushed to the hospital and the doctor that was about to perform a life-saving procedure suddenly became overwhelmed with his own panic, grief, lack of confidence about whether or not he could do the job, angry at everyone who has ever crossed him and told him he wasn’t a good enough doctor – would you want that person operating on your child?

Now let’s say another doctor comes in and calmly excuses the doctor that has been completely hijacked by his own emotions. With this doctor, in addition to her being highly qualified to perform the task, you can also see she is calm, confident, she has some compassion for what is going, clarity and she is centered. More than likely you will put your faith and your child’s life into the hand’s of the second doctor. And it’s not to say that she doesn’t feel fear, but she is able to not let it overwhelm her and therefore can think clearer and quicker.

That’s how parts work in relationship to SELF. We are born with a sense of calmness, confidence, compassion, and some genesis of clarity that develops over time, but life and the demands of our lives often get in the way of development into Beingness.  SELF at its core is centered, peaceful, still – whatever anyone wants to call it. It’s that when these other parts of us that formed during some form of trauma take over, they are often so overwhelming, SELF gets drowned out.

Thanks to pioneers like Carl Jung and others, many processes have been developed to help unburden these parts and move back into SELF where the real answers reside.

Now in saying all of that, as I mentioned, I have been working with this particular process, I.F.S.,  for quite some time now and really did not understand why I had to connect with my SELF in order for me to really heal these parts until recently.  I was doing it, but struggled with it sometimes.

Not too long ago, I had an epiphany. I was watching one of those reality shows where the woman is chasing up behind some rich guy and doing all types of shit to herself to keep herself looking pretty for the man who clearly doesn’t really give a fuck and I found myself feeling sad for her; mainly because I had been there.

Click Here for Part II of “So You Love Yourself?  Really?”

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