• DeAara Lewis

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Be careful of that drama…it could be taking you away from your dreams…

I made a commitment to heal myself without any excuses over two years ago.  I’ve been on this path for a number of years now but decided to go full throttle following some very tragic circumstances in my life and things have slowly but steadily been improving.

One thing my life coach always emphasizes to me is to stay the course even in spite of drama.  I didn’t fully understand that in the beginning but started to understand it as I continued to live.  Last year, as I was planning a tribute for my late dear friend Rod Pitts, I got distracted with an email from a person whom I loath.  Over the next four days, I spent the energy that I could have been putting into my tribute responding to her and blogging about it.  Although the latter really did help me release a lot of energy around it, I always wonder how much smoother things would have gone if I didn’t respond at all.

Other “drama” reared its head, much of it was not even my own, I just chose to include myself because it affected people who I care about.  In the end, those situations worked themselves out and I wonder if I had just stayed out of it and put that energy into focusing on my career, how much further I would be.

It’s tough because I am human.  I like the “drama” of life as much as anyone else and have been working very hard to integrate myself into a balanced life.  I’m thankful that it has proven to be effective, I am in one of the healthiest relationships I have ever been in, things are picking up rapidly in my career,  I am connecting with other people who are also committed to a healthy, balanced existence, so life hasn’t been too bad.

I guess for someone use to chaos, the adjustment has been quite challenging – few arguments, few grudges, nobody I am particularly angry with?  All this clear space in my head reserved for creating and soaring?  Wow!  And this is not to say that I don’t have my challenges, I indeed do, it’s just how I am responding to them that is different.

I accept that people are going to be who they are and there is nothing I can do about it.  Sure, people say that all the time, but how many of us really mean it?  For me personally, that was difficult because I am a big advocate for justice.  It is hard for me to resolve someone fucking another person over and nothing happening to them.  I never liked that a person could betray someone else and then go on as if it never happened.  Of course, I don’t know what’s going on in their minds, but their appearances sure are convincing.  I realized and accepted that it didn’t matter if “karma” came back on them or not, because every second I focused on that was a second I was taking myself away from creating, reaching my own goals, finding the joy in my own life.

Even recently, some potential drama almost got in my head and it actually did for a couple of days.  I felt sad, angry, confused, betrayed and then I realized I have a choice.  I don’t have to involve myself in anyone else’s choices and I don’t have to respond when I think I’ve been wronged unless I choose to.  Oh, I had prepared to go to battle for sure and then the funniest thing happened.  I looked at the layout of my website and realized I hadn’t finished it and I really wanted to figure out how to get a piece of code in there I had written.  I looked at the script I was working on for my one woman show and realized I hadn’t decided on the personality of one of my characters.  I looked at my phone and realized I had missed my boyfriend’s call and we are working together on some things and suddenly I realized I was about to focus my energy in the wrong direction.  I’ve got shit to do and I do it so much better without drama and distractions.

So I made a deliberate decision to not engage in any situations that were not beneficial to who I am as a woman, even if that meant ending some connections and that I did.   My life coach reminded me of something very important about one of my favorite and most inspiring filmmakers/producers – Judd Apatow.  His films average $1.5 Billion dollars respectively.  He is also happily married with three children.

If he spent his energy being caught up in someone from his past sending him an email, so-called friends playing ego mind games and gossiping about him behind his back, trying to force connections that were not meant to be,  trying to defend himself from people who try to humiliate him because they don’t like who he is or what he is doing, worrying about the future or battling everyone else’s problems, being angry all the time and waiting for justice to be served on those who wronged him – he definitely would not where he is today.    Too many distractions.

So I offer that as gift to my readers.  Let go of the distractions.  The “he said, she said” shit, the people who cannot come clean and be in integrity with you, the grudges, the need to defend yourself from folks who attempt to shame you, it’s not worth it.  You’ve got bigger things to do.  And all that head energy can be devoted to living your dream.


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