The One Life Lesson that My Dog Taught Me…There is No Excuse…

I would be lying if I said this has not been a tough couple of years.  I often post how I overcame an obstacle and many I have, but there are also many I still struggle with.  Sometimes I feel angry, bitter, confused at why I have been dealt certain  hands in life.   Sometimes I get angry at myself for not being more aggressive about my dreams and letting so much time go by in between my projects.  Sometimes I feel frustrated that I still work at a job where I have to deal with people who have issues with me because of who my grandmother is.  It angers and saddens me that they meddle in gossip and have this hidden hostility that comes out in foul ways because they view me as someone who believes I can do whatever I want.

Sometimes I feel sad that I have yet to find true love, and sometimes, I wonder is there something wrong with me.  I’ve asked myself why do I seek out mates who betray me so deeply towards the end?  Is there a part of me that is mimicking the relationship my parents had.  Am I trying to find the validation in my relationships that I really crave from my father?

Sometimes I feel angry at God for what happened to my friend Rod – how he went into instant paralysis a year ago and still remains that way as of now.  Uncertainty has been the staple point in my life for quite a while.  From betrayal and being sold-out to having to file bankruptcy to dealing with illness amongst my friends and family as well as myself and to say that I feel overwhelmed sometimes is an understatement.

In saying all of this, I have a dog named Ebony who is quite interesting.  She’s very territorial and very smart.  She’s fierce and doesn’t trust easy, but if she gets to know you and sense that you are good, you have a friend for life.  She’s a bit arrogant and although obedient, sometimes she just does simply what she wants to do – damn the consequences.  She doesn’t really care for dog food and just like her chow nature, she is a true hunter.  I can’t tell you how many birds, squirrels or even rats have fallen prey to her primal nature.  She’s also very protective.  Weighing only 35 pounds, I have seen her scatter a group of local thugs due to her ferociousness and she’s not just a barker – she will back it up and attack if she feels threatened and she’s a pretty good fighter I must say.

Today, I learned my beloved dog, Ebony, who I took in simply to avoid her being given to the pound, possibly has canine breast cancer.  I was devastated.  It felt like the final straw to a colossal roller coaster ride.  Was something trying to break me?  Has somebody been working roots on me?  Why the fuck is all of this shit happening right at the time it seems that I am working so hard on myself?  Today, I really felt like giving up.  I know that I’m a good person.  I make mistakes, but I go hard for the people who I love even if I piss them off, so why is all of this happening to me, I really found myself wondering today.

Then, as if the Universe heard my questions, something came to me.  When I picked Ebony up from the veterinarian, she was her usual chipper, bubbly self.  If she does have breast cancer, you wouldn’t know it by her behavior.  She’s almost ten years old and has the energy of a pup.  When I bend and put my hands on my knees, she just sprints towards me and you can rub her all night and she won’t get tired of it.  When I went through my break up, she was there.  I was sitting on the couch crying my eyes out and although she wasn’t supposed to be on the couch and she knew this, instinctively, she just jumped up there, licked my face and then just sat with me.  She didn’t try to play, she didn’t try to get me to pet her, she just sat there as if she knew I just needed some support.  And here she was today with that same genuine, bubbly spirit, just appreciating the world for what it is.

She could be dying, but her attitude doesn’t display that.  She’s just full of love.  She’s not sitting back worried about whether the cells in her breast are going to turn cancerous, whether she is going to lose a breast, whether she is going to have to have chemo.  I don’t think she has a concept of any of this.  She is just living.  And if ever I sense that she is feeling down, I will sit with her, as she did with me and let her know that she has a friend and I will go hard for her, like I do everyone I love, until she takes her last breath.

So yes, I am going through a tough time right now, but all I have to do is look at Ebony and she gives me hope and courage to continue on my path. If, with her diagnosis, she can still be so excited about life, I see I really don’t have an excuse.

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5 Responses

  1. The bond, the connection between human and canine is over the moon if we allow it!! As much as they count on us for food, shelter, and love…we count on them!! The thing is as with many things..we’ve been taught to overlook, or ignore the messages they send!

    Welcome to another realm of realization of earth and your world!!!

    There is no question that the dog that gave you comfort has also taken on some of the personality of yours!! You’ve taught her what strength, and tenacity is!! While she had it in her she sensed it and learned it from her. She is only now teaching you that lesson so you realized what you have my dear!!!!

    You and her are both going to do fine. When the universe presents its next challenge y’all will fight it together!!

    PEACE
    THE PIT CREW 😀

    • Thank you so much Stacey! I knew you would understand being just in love with animals as I am. And I think people forget that they are Beings too with as much right to be here as everything and everyone else.

  2. ***UGH TYPO ALERT**
    While she had it in her she sensed it and learned it from YOU.

    SORRY.

  3. “Chocolate” is genuine in the best and fullest sense of the word!!! She is also loving and caring in the fullest sense of the words. And though she is canine and I am human and you are my childless middle granddaughter, who may oftentimes have to deal with “junk” because a group of cowards are reluctant to challenge or deal with me on issuses or positions I take and defend and fight for, please know that I love you both and will be there with and for the two of you until the end or the beginning. You are indeed her “human mother”, though you deny same and your “canine apple” did not fall far from the tree.

    • I didn’t expect you to post Grandma! Wow! What a welcomed surprise! I know that you are very fond of “Chocolate” and she of you, so I know that you understand how I am feeling. As always, thank you for always being here for me, even during the times when you don’t understand what I’m doing. Lol. ❤

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