• DeAara Lewis

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Right Now is All That Matters. Right Now is All There Is…

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.
– Eleanor Roosevelt

The primary reasons I started writing this blog is to hopefully help people overcome their fears by sharing my experiences.  Often times people think in order to accomplish a goal, the barrier to remove are obstacles related only directly to that goal.  However, this could be further from the truth.  Most obstacles we face when trying to accomplish a goal are usually issues from many years ago, as early as childhood that seem completely unrelated.

My recent break up with my long-term boyfriend damn near paralyzed me for almost three months. Focusing became a chore of its own.  Duties and requirements such as eating and sleeping had become things I had to remind myself to do.  I decided to seek out counseling to help me move through my issues of heart ache and betrayal and what I discovered is most of what I was feeling had very little to do with my ex, and more to do with some very limiting beliefs I had about myself and other issues from my past.  And the core of most of these issues?  Fear.

Fear will keep you stuck in relationships that you really don’t want to be in, it will keep you married to a job or career you really don’t want,  and it will keep you in a destructive state of mind because although the pain is unwanted, it is familiar.    How often do we stick with something because it is familiar, no matter how destructive and painful it is?  People lose years of their life because of it.

So what I have started to do is anytime I find myself blinded or paralyzed with fear, I bring myself back into the NOW and detach from the outcome.  NOW is the only thing that is real and that matters.  We have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow and we can’t do anything about what happened yesterday, the only thing we ever have control of is the moment.

Detaching is the only real power we have when dealing with fear or anything other negative emotion.  It is the attachment to the object, to the person, to the thought, or to the idea that breeds the most misery and the funny part about it is, what we fear is seldom what is going to happen.  Or usually what we fear may possibly happen has already happened, either way, we are not in the moment.

So the next time you are overwhelmed by fear, take a deep breath, bring yourself into the right NOW and as much as you can, detach from whatever you think is going to happen.  It’s amazing the opportunities that arise when we are clearly focused.  Please pass this on to anyone you think it may help.


3 Responses

  1. It is an amazing thing to read how someone as young as you can express such a wondrous response to what you feel and came to believe. Many people do not realize these kinds of things until life has beaten them to a proverbial pulp. It is in youth that these lessons are to be learned and part of the problem with our community is that so many individuals will take a different route in dealing with set-back, bad breaks or heartaches. When we recognize “fear” for what it is and how it tends to cause us to become paralyzed, we can take steps to learn from a process that can be applied in most life-situations. When it came time for me, a single Black man, to take custody and raise my son I did not fear the outcome because the process of how to deal with my fears had been taken years before while facing the demons of drug addiction in the recovery process. I quickly came to realize that no matter what the outcome, I needed to do this or die. Noway would you not want to live a comfortable existence after heartbreak. Just knowing you will love and be loved again did not dawn on you til you overcame your fear. I do not think it was so much of a fear of not knowing “what next” but a fear of “will it happen again”. Now you can face anything that comes along without the baggage of the past relationship becoming an obstacle in the path of a greater experience awaiting you. Congratulations! You go Miz Lewis!

    • Thank you so much Earnest for your insight! Judging by your post, I can see you have great experience in overcoming obstacles and facing fear right in the face. And it’s so not a big deal once you do it.

  2. it really helped me out..pain and suffering are after all part of our lives..there isn’t any escape from it..

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