• DeAara Lewis

  • Twitter

    Error: Please make sure the Twitter account is public.

  • Advertisements

When Bad Things Happen to Good Women…

This is a special post for the ladies who have been in emotionally draining and painful relationships.

It is no secret that I have been in recovery for the last three and half months following a very shocking and painful breakup with my long-term mate.  One moment I felt like I was on cloud nine and the next, I was caught up in fear and a world of confusion.   I often asked myself  “How could this happen to me?”,  I was a good girl, very devoted, never lied, never deceived but still was treated very terribly by someone whom at one time was my best friend.  Betrayal is something I don’t handle very well, I am a lot like Janet Jackson in that area.  Once you’ve betrayed me, it’s very hard if not impossible to get back in my circle.  And I was so hurt, I told the story many, many times until a very close friend said something I will always keep with me.  “If you continue to deal with trash, it will eventually get in your eye.”  Now she wasn’t calling my former mate trash, but she saw how the hurt, bitterness and anger had almost consumed me and those words reminded me to step back in Self.  My former mate and I had allowed so much poison to be injected in between us that I almost got caught up in meaningless bullshit.

I had to deal with a very unconscious woman harassing me because in her mind, she had taken my place and now saw me as a threat.  She attempted to attack me without having all of the data.  She assumed that once I learned of her existence, that I had tried to woo my former mate back to me, however, she did not know that my former mate had never disclosed who she was until after he attempted to reconcile with me and I declined.  Not only that, he was not honest about the nature of their relationship, he simply told me he had a friend.

And what’s even sadder is that she sees herself as the victim, even though she knew of my existence long before I knew of hers.  She even once told me that my former mate should have told me everything about them and all I could remember thinking was, “No, he should have told YOU everything about us.”    She had no idea of the emotional and financial sacrifices I made to keep my former mate alive when he almost died, she had no idea how many times he wanted to reconcile, after he had already formed a relationship with her, but I declined because he wouldn’t get help.

There is no telling what he told her or had her believing about me or what really happened between us. All I knew is that if I had to choose, I would rather be in my situation dealing with this, than his.  He never allowed himself anytime to heal from what happened with us, he just immediately attempted to connect with someone else to numb the pain.  And this poor girl, so lonely, so afraid of raising her children alone, so wanting to be loved, just accepted it.  She didn’t have enough confidence in herself to say to him, “I play second to no woman.”   And now, she is insecure.  Constantly going through his things, wondering are we still communicating, wondering if he is going to be faithful to her and all I can remember thinking is – you wanted him so bad, you got him and all the shit that comes with him.  And I can only imagine what it must be like to be dating a man, planning a life with him while knowing that the only reason he is with you is because the other woman would not take him back, despite anything else he may have said.

What she also didn’t realize is, I play second to no woman.  And I don’t date men that are in current relationships, I don’t attempt to get pregnant to make sure they don’t leave me, I don’t let them move in with me after they have just moved out of another woman’s house and I don’t try to trap or manipulate them in hopes of them not leaving me.  Ladies, it is a miserable existence to live like that.

After this experience, I have decided to make this one of my platforms.  I want to help women build their self-confidence up to know that they do not need validation through a man.  There are so many of us out there that just accept whatever circumstance so we don’t have to be alone.    That is not a pleasant existence to live.  Loyalty should first be to yourself and if you put up with  and accept certain things from your mate simply because you don’t want to be alone, you still don’t end up with what you want in the end.  All you do is waste time and possibly lose years of your life.

I am not ashamed to talk about my experience or to admit that I am still healing from the pain.  I have just accepted that shit happens, sometimes to really good people, but life goes on so get the trash out of your eyes and start living it.


2 Responses

  1. Amen, girl! u r so right!! Many women and men give themselves to the wrong person for the wrong reasons. Some ppl are able to come out w/o 2 many battle scars, but 4 the most part we all get so scarred the longer that we stay with the bullS!! It must be terrible to be THAT GIRL. What a miserable life she must have to worry not only about the emotional distance of this guy-but has two others to worry about in some future date. ( or deal w/her offspring asking why not here mama??) Any way, I believe som of us dont think that we are suffering and there are som of us who dont mind suffering as long as whatever the perpertrator is providing is still providing that.

  2. yeah true…

    wrong people in our lives cause us pain…..just our choices of it..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: