• DeAara Lewis

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Once Upon a Time, When I Loved a Vampire…

Engaging in a toxic relationship of any sort is a lot like dating a vampire.  Think about the movie Twilight for instance.  Bella is in love with Edward, a good person with a huge burden, he is a vampire and if Bella gets too close, he may just kill her.  So in order for Edward and Bella to even have a shot at having a relationship, she strongly considers becoming a vampire.  How many times are our own relationships like this?  Especially of the romantic sort.  How many times have we considered becoming a vampire, losing our identity, not being able to see ourselves in hopes of finding and having true love, a successful career, or a family that just gets along?

I must admit, these past three months of my life have truly challenged every aspect of my being.  I have had to make some very tough decisions regarding relationships, my future and my career.  The toughest, of course, was severing ties with a person who had been in my life for quite some time.  I was very unsure of my decision, I was in motion and was not exactly sure what I was doing, if I had made the right choice.  I held on in hopes that this person would see themselves, see how destructive, dangerous and poisonous they had become. I was hoping that they would see that they were a vampire.  However that is somewhat of an oxymoron, because vampires by definition cannot see themselves.  And unfortunately that is exactly what happened in this case.  As a matter of fact, the more I held on after I had already let go, the more toxic our relationship became.

I was evolving.  I was fighting for my life.  Determined to free myself.   Things that I had tried to make myself be okay with, I had to finally admit I was not okay with anymore.  I was never okay with, I was just afraid of letting go and losing the relationship.  Yet, in December, on a lonely night after I had cried my eyes out, yelled, kicked, screamed and hollered, a little voice came to me and quietly whispered, “It Stops with Me.”  I went and I looked in the mirror, and lo and behold, I saw myself.  I was not a vampire!    And that night, I severed ties with a person whom I had grown to love very much.

Of course this person became very angry, and in true vampire form, they went on another hunt and quickly found another vampire.  Another lost soul who had no ability to see themselves either.  But the funny thing about vampires is, if they feed off of each other’s blood too long, they will soon die because it is toxic.  And as much as I loved my friend, I could not let them infect me any more than they already had.  I had to rush to the sun, take a chance on either being released by its light or being burned by its flames, either way I was determined to be free.  And in order for that to happen, I had to be willing to lose this relationship so that I could win back my life.  Lies, deceit, illusions, immaturity, treachery, disloyalty, poverty, rage, betrayal – it stops with me.  A life will not come from me and live in that kind of existence, I will not live in that type of existence.

I will admit, it has not been easy.  I loved and miss this person very much.  In the recent times that they have called me or come by to see me in hopes of some sort of rekindling of our friendship, I have been tempted, but then I look in the mirror and see myself – but I don’t see them.  And I remember that they are still a vampire.  A toxic one at that, slowly dying because they are feeding off of another vampire’s blood. And they are not willing to rush to the sun and take a chance.  Then I also remember I am free. And inhale to take in all that freedom and loving life has to offer.

I wanted to share with you all to let you know no matter how much you love someone, if they are toxic, if they are a vampire,  and if they are intentionally or unintentionally holding you back – let them go.  Be willing to lose so that you can win.  Once upon a time I loved a vampire, now upon this time, I love myself.


2 Responses

  1. Bravo!

  2. Girl thats right! i think we tell ourselves (early in life) that “i can do this” or “its not that bad” bcuz at those times u feel as though u have endless time here on this earth…but there comes another point in life for most that u will reflect and decide that tomorrow is never promised to no one and instead of doing the impossible and try to change the mate you shuld do the possible and change urself

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