• DeAara Lewis

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When family and friends get in the way of your goals…

One thing that often plagues people who are going after ambitious goals are family relations.  In fact,  family relations is probably one of the most important aspects to goal accomplishment, because how we learn to relate to people is introduced to us at a very young age through our family members.

And those of us who do become emotionally literate in some capacity spend years unlearning unhealthy and destructive behavior we witness growing up.

To a degree, this is psycho-babble.  We’ve heard it on talk shows, read about it in self-help, gotten it through unsolicited advice from our friends and family, but the main question really is, how do “get over” all of the bullshit we learned growing up?

I have spent close to 15 years unlearning destructive behavior and patterns that were taught to me as a child.  Luckily for me, I put some X-glasses on at the age of 13, and although I couldn’t tell exactly what I was seeing,  I knew that what I had learned was not all that accurate.

So there my journey started, therapy, workshops, seminars, books upon books, church, temples, bible, koran, buddhism, alternative forms of healing – I studied some of everything just to understand this Matrix that I was born in and why there was so much damn suffering!  I never understood why people didn’t live by the advice that they gave, why I would see people singing about and praising God on Sunday who would not even so much as speak to me on Monday.

I didn’t understand why there was a huge part of me that felt so unwanted and unloved.  Oh, I figured it out intellectually (as we all do), but that didn’t make that void go away.  And it showed its ugly head at the most inopportune times – when I was trying to succeed at something.  When I was trying to accomplish something.

Over the years, this way of allowing myself to think proved very ineffective.  I procrastinated, avoided, and sometimes gave up on goals…until I had enough.  I had to go IN  (see https://doitscared.wordpress.com/2009/09/22/look-in/).

And with guidance, I found my true self and I found tools.

I am not perfect, I still have my days, moments where I want to give up.  Sometimes I still feel like an outsider.  The difference now is that I have tools to work through it.  And I have a hand-picked support team. And that makes all of the difference.


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