I received quite a few emails yesterday regarding the post, “If He Will Do It To You, He Will Do It Her.” Quite a few women thanked me for writing the post. They said that it soothed their fears about what their former mate was doing with their new partner and confirmed beliefs that they already had. I was very humbled that my post struck such a nerve with people, but it also got me a little concerned that some of my views were taken out of context.
True, most rebound relationships do NOT last and if they do for an extended period of time, it is usually hell on that person that did the violations. This is NOT because he has decided to see somebody else and he is now being punished by the “Relationship Gods”, it is because more than likely he never gave himself any closure in the previous relationship and is more than likely subconsciously comparing his new mate to his former mate.
However, there is another side to the equation. Some rebound relationships do in fact last. Despite how foul, unfair, irrational and cruel the break up was with you and your former mate, those relationships that they immediately get into can actually win sometimes. Now before you go feeling down in the dumps about this, remember this – it’s not like you are there to witness all of this happening. In fact, you have no idea what is going on. And more than likely, it was not about you!
Also, whether that relationship last or not, what does that really have to do with you? Yes, it may have been extremely messed up what he did to you (once again, change the sexes as you see fit), so now what? Are you going to live in the past, carry constant anger, grief and resentment around where ever you go? I am not suggesting that you are not going to feel these things, trust me, you will. And once you feel them and work through them, LET THEM GO! Letting go may be a process you may have to do over and over and over and over, until it is lasting, but the more you do it, the easier it will get.
Plugging yourself into someone else’s pain just so can feel better does nothing but sets you up for failure and stunts your own spiritual growth. The thing is, the pain that you are imagining this person going through is simply your own projection or fantasy. You really have no idea how he feels unless you have gotten some direct information.
Now, I don’t think someone who actually has a conscience can shit on someone else and just go on with their lives without feeling some regret and remorse, but my thinking is based on what I have learned and studied over the years about human behavior and how we operate. And even knowing this, the question still remains, “So what?” If that man came back to you and admitted that you were 100% right and he was 100% wrong, what does that mean? What do you get other than a stroked Ego? True, it may provide some closure, but waiting for that day is like waiting for the sun to rise.
How about going on with your life, truly forgiving yourself, that man and the other woman and live your life to the fullest? How about seeing what you can learn from this, how you can turn it around into something that can benefit you and truly working to let go? How about sharpening your Picker, so you can make some better choices in men so that you don’t end up in this type of situation again? How about really, really healing yourself so you can be that in which you ask for? If you do all of this, it won’t matter if he comes back and holds himself accountable or not. It won’t matter if he breaks up with the “Home Wrecker” or marries her and lives happily ever after, because it will be you that you will have found and that will be more than enough to make life worth living and that’s when your “soul mate” usually comes along anyway – when you are enjoying life, truly loving you and not looking.
Pass this along to anyone who can use it.