There is a Hater Amongst Us…How I Learned to Protect Myself from Mental Vampires…

The term “unworthy witness” is one that my life coach uses often.  An unworthy witness is defined as a person who serves no valuable purpose in certain parts of your life.   They have very little importance and very little input in you becoming a better you.

In the urban arena, they are just known as “haters.”  Unworthy witnesses or haters come in all forms.  Many times they are family members, close friends or co-workers.

So how do you know when you have a “hater” amongst you?  Often times, you don’t.  Because they have no idea of what they are doing, all they know is that you being you causes grave discomfort for them.  And when you are not aware of their presence and have no idea how to defend yourself, they can pollute your psyche, plants cancerous seeds of self-hatred and doubt and you could lose years on going after your life goals.

Sometimes Rejection Can Be the Best Thing That Can Happen to You…

All rejection and conflict is not necessarily a negative thing.  I remember last year thinking 2011 was going to be my year.  And it was, just not so much in the way I necessarily wanted starting out.

As I already chronicled in this blog, I temporarily lost my vision, illness hit my family left and right, old drama revisited my life and some of my friendships and family connections ended.

Yeah, that was definitely a way to start out the first six months of the year.  However, as I’ve often stated, I continued to do my work and although I had some stressful situations happen, I also had some very positive things happen as well.

Now looking back, it was actually as if the negative things happened for a reason.  The old drama that flared up in early spring put closure to something I had dearly wanted resolution on.  It put someone whom I once considered a friend in a more truthful light and any doubts that I had about how repugnant they really were, was put to rest.  And although I felt deep sadness about how deluded and cowardly they had become, I felt thankful knowing that was a connection and a situation I know longer had to deal with.

Deneka Pays Tribut to Gold Diggers Everywhere with her Rendition of “Santa Baby”…

Season’s Greetings!

Since it’s the holidays and we were in the spirit, we decided to do Eartha Kitt’s classic “Santa Baby.” This actually wasn’t the first choice, Deneka wanted to do another song, but due to time restraints, she went ahead and did this one on a whim and so far, people have been responding to it quite well. I often joke with her that this is first real Gold Digger anthem. Lol.

Our other videos have also been slowly gaining traction in the wild, wild west of Youtube. Her cover of Kelly Rowland’s  “Motivation” has hit 23,000 views and her cover of Rihanna’s “Man Down” is close to 10,000 views. We couldn’t believe it. When we first started doing this, we were lucky if we got 300 views. We then studied everything we could about how to market on Youtube and on the Internet, even brought in a consultant and things seem to be paying off so far.

We have dealt with some negative feedback and that was tough at first, but we just take what we need from it and discard the rest. Youtube actually helps a person develop thick skin. Since it such an open place where anybody can say anything, regardless of whether it is valid or just, One really has to develop a strong psyche to survive in it.

The good news is that most people are gracious and supportive, so whenever I feel frustrated by a “dislike” or an arbitrary criticism, I am reminded of how many more people support us. It was actually Rod Pitts who taught me that. When I would receive harsh criticisms about “Tricks” he would always say, “DeAara, but look at how many support it. Focus on that. To hell with the rest of them.” So that’s the attitude we’ve had to take with our Youtube campaign and so far it’s paying off. Click here to check out Deneka’s cover of “Santa Baby” and please forward to your friends, family and give it a “thumbs up” on Youtube if you like it.

One more thing, my tentative next film, “Who the Hell is Nikki Love?” is currently in rewrite phase as well as a couple of other scripts I am working on. I will alert everyone when we are rolling out with production. Until next time! Have a safe and happy holiday season!

- DeAara

 

You Never Know Where it’s Coming From…You Never Know Who You’re Going to Love…

Over the past couple of years, my life has taken many new twists and turns.  Some very painful, some very surprising and some very joyful.  As I creep closer and closer to another birth anniversary and closer to a new year, I’ve looked back at my entire life as if it was someone else living it.

I have had some lows, some things that didn’t happen the way I wanted them to, some things happened just the way I wanted them to and many things remain in the abyss of the unknown.  Some major things I did not expect to happen was going through probably the worst betrayal in my life, filing bankruptcy, temporarily losing my vision in my right eye, illness continuously striking my family so much so, it never seemed like it would end; watching one of my dearest friends go into full paralysis in a matter of hours and learning that my dog more than likely has canine breast cancer.  Yes, life for me over the past couple of years (probably a little longer) had not been a crystal stair.

But I fought hard for myself.  I went and sought help when I felt like giving up on life.  I decided to return to something I’ve always enjoyed doing – martial arts.  I’m also slowly returning to what I love doing the most – performing.  And I got busy and learned how to market myself and my work and work every single day on living an honest life with complete integrity.

Some days I didn’t know what I was doing all of this for, but for some reason, I couldn’t stop.  I still meet weekly with my Life Coach and have been doing so for two years.  I’ve been practicing martial arts for over a year now and although I went through the bouts of a broken toe, have continued to get better and better.  My sister’s Youtube presence is quickly growing due to the videos and concepts we produce and I am gearing up to do the same as a way to expand my platform and brand.  My film “Tricks” is still selling and I am finally at the point that I can make a major push online with it.  Something I have been wanting to do for quite some time.  And as I develop my other scripts, I now am armed with much more knowledge, innovation and dedicated drive.

I honestly don’t think any of this would have been possible if I hadn’t gone through everything I went through, even the things that didn’t seem to directly connect.

Probably one of the most surprising turns in my life, one I totally, without a doubt did not see coming is that I met someone very special.  I was quite reluctant initially when we first started talking.  I was very honest with him about my past relationship (he had been reading this blog anyway, so he already had a clue, lol) and gently explained that this was an area that I tread very carefully in.

Deneka performs Rihanna’s hit song “Man Down” and “Tricks” sells out for a third time!

I just wanted to give all of you a few updates. First, “Tricks is still going strong, even after a few years have gone by. We’ve sold out for the third time at Spin Street Music on Poplar Avenue in Memphis, TN.
Also, for any of you wondering about Rod Pitts (the cinematographer for “Tricks”), I talked to his aunt the other day and she told me that he is showing steady improvement. He was transferred to a rehabilitation facility in Chicago and although he has had a few set backs, he is getting better and better. For those of you who may not know, Rod has an atypical auto-immune disease that left him paralyzed within a matter of hours. It has been over a year since he has been recovering, but he is getting better slowly but surely.
Lastly, but certainly not least, I want to share with you Deneka’s, a.k.a. Lottalox’s fourth video installment on Youtube. This time, at the request of her son, she did Rihanna’s “Man Down.”To say that this was a challenge is an understatement. We shot the video twice, because the first time, Deneka was not satisfied with her arrangement of the song and went back into the studio to redo it. Although we shot it twice, we attempted to shoot it seven times. Each time, something happened. The final time we agreed if there were anymore road blocks, we would scrap plans for that song because evidently, that was a sign. Lol.

 

Luckily, that did not happen, so warmly present to you, Deneka’s Youtube Premiere of Rihanna’s hit song, “Man Down.” If you like it, please give it a thumbs up on Youtube and share it with your friends.
My Youtube Channel will be up and running very soon, so please stay tuned folks
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Thanks as always,
- DeAara

The Evolution of Royal’T TopMC a.ka. “The boy”…

Well, this week seems to be all things T.J. a.k.a. Royal T’ Top MC.  For all my faithful readers who may not know who I am referring to, Royal’T TopMC is an up and coming rapper in the Memphis, TN area. He also happens to be my nephew.

This week, his remix of Jay-Z and Kanye West’s extremely popular song, “Otis” debuted on Youtube and has been getting a lot of love, he also was interviewed in The Commercial Appeal and the Memphis Flyer and made a debut on the highly coveted Live From Memphis “60 Seconds.”  Links to all of this are below.

T.J. and I – where can I start?  I was there at the hospital when he was born.  I was thirteen years-old, had stayed out of school that day because my sister was in labor (I was also a little sore because she choked the hell out of me during one of  her labor pains).  When they brought him out of the delivery room he wasn’t the first thing I saw, it was actually my sister’s after birth.  It disgusted me so badly that I vowed never to eat chicken soup again (yes, that’s what it looked like to me and I didn’t eat it for almost 10 years).   But when I did see him I was excited and nervous as the same time.  What was it going to be like with a baby in the house, I thought.

Well, although it was different, it proved to be a lot of fun.  Deneka, my sister, was extremely protective of him (which hasn’t changed much in the past 20 years) and I just enjoyed being an aunt for the first time.  Over the years as he grew, we had our ups and downs.  His mouth would prove to be one of my biggest pet peeves but his sincerity, loyalty and passion more than made up for it.  And our bond deepened because when I would baby-sit him, we often played pretend.

We would create the scenes in these far away places and let our imaginations go there.  When he was bored or wouldn’t stop crying, Deneka would put on at-home concerts and sing her heart out.  So he got introduced to entertainment very organically.   His grandmother is also a singer and is grandfather (whom he affectionately calls “Big Daddy”) loves to sing and loves all-things Temptations.

I featured T.J. in some of my student projects while I was in college and he got to work on the sets of movie projects I would produce.  “Tricks” was a turning point not only for me but for him as well.  He was just starting to come into his own with his raps and it also helped that his mother, Deneka, who is also a professional singer, gave him his first performance set when she let him rap on some of her songs that she’d do live.

During the time of “Tricks”, I had come up with a song idea after listening to Bootsy Collins’ “I’d Rather Be with You.”  I wrote the hook and then Deneka and I wrote the rest of the song but we had no idea who to go to produce what would become “Tricks” theme song.  Our budget was small, my real estate business was starting to get hit hard due to the recession and I just didn’t have it like I once did.  Furthermore, we couldn’t find anybody who we could afford to produce it the way we wanted it done.

Jay-Z, Kanye West, Otis Redding and a kid named Royal’T…

Hey there guys!

Well here is another one. This time, however, it is my nephew T.J. stage name “Royal’T TopMC” taking the Youtube Plunge. As many of you know or may not know, T.J. produced the majority of the music on “Tricks.” He was just starting out then, but since we really didn’t have a budget for music, we had to rely on the talent of family and friends and thankfully that worked out.

Since that time, he has come a long way. Over the past year and half, he has built up quite a following on the Hip Hop scene. He has received high praise from the Memphis Flyer and was voted by Memphis Magazine as one the top MC’s to watch out for in the time to come. He will also be featured on the highly coveted Live From Memphis’ “60 Seconds.”

In saying that, shooting this video was fun but intense. Although T.J. is my nephew, we act more like older sister, younger brother and we both have very strong personalities. So to say that we bumped heads on the creative path of this is an understatement. When he was reviewing the footage, he found it quite humorous how much we could be heard bickering during the outtakes. I wanted him to try some things he didn’t want to try or he wanted me to shoot some things I didn’t think went with the theme of the video. But in the end, when he saw it, he thought it was “dope” (his words). So that made my day.

He will be dropping his first official album at his very first album release party this Saturday (Oct. 22nd) at the Hi-Tone on Poplar (1913 Poplar) which also happens to be the day he was born.

So if you can, please come out and support. It’s $5.00 to get in and $5.00 for the album. The doors open at 9:00 p.m.

Click on the link below to see the video and I hope you enjoy it.

“Otis” by Royal’T TopMC

- DeAara

 

The One Life Lesson that My Dog Taught Me…There is No Excuse…

I would be lying if I said this has not been a tough couple of years.  I often post how I overcame an obstacle and many I have, but there are also many I still struggle with.  Sometimes I feel angry, bitter, confused at why I have been dealt certain  hands in life.   Sometimes I get angry at myself for not being more aggressive about my dreams and letting so much time go by in between my projects.  Sometimes I feel frustrated that I still work at a job where I have to deal with people who have issues with me because of who my grandmother is.  It angers and saddens me that they meddle in gossip and have this hidden hostility that comes out in foul ways because they view me as someone who believes I can do whatever I want.

Sometimes I feel sad that I have yet to find true love, and sometimes, I wonder is there something wrong with me.  I’ve asked myself why do I seek out mates who betray me so deeply towards the end?  Is there a part of me that is mimicking the relationship my parents had.  Am I trying to find the validation in my relationships that I really crave from my father?

Sometimes I feel angry at God for what happened to my friend Rod – how he went into instant paralysis a year ago and still remains that way as of now.  Uncertainty has been the staple point in my life for quite a while.  From betrayal and being sold-out to having to file bankruptcy to dealing with illness amongst my friends and family as well as myself and to say that I feel overwhelmed sometimes is an understatement.

Everybody Wants The Medal, but Only a Few are Willing to Run the Race…This Demon called Procrastination…

This is an open letter to all my fellow artists and anybody who has a dream they are struggling to achieve:

“Procrastination is the grave in which opportunity is buried.”  I’m not sure who said this, but it is an extremely true statement.

Procrastination has been the ugly monster in the corner for most of my life.  It was shocking to learn that many people who do procrastinate are also perfectionist.  Anyone who has ever worked with me could probably vouch for that.  My sister teasingly calls me a slave driver because I won’t stop until it is as close to perfect as it can get.  But that same enthusiasm can be hard to crank up, especially when things are not flowing the way I think they should.  When I get creative blocks, they can last for months if I don’t do anything about them.  Some of my ideas have even taken years to come to fruition because I dragged my foot about them.

Finally, I had to take a long hard look at my behavior because it was counter-productive.  I finally noticed the clock ticking, my window of opportunity closing and I knew it was time to get busy quick.  Most of it went back to fear.  Fear of change, fear of failure and mainly fear of success.  I use to dismiss that idea whenever I heard it, thinking that didn’t apply to me.  I mean, who wouldn’t want to be successful?  It’s a lot better than being financially strapped.  But as I started to go inside and unlayer why it took me so long to start on projects, I discovered a lot.  A fear that I was running out of time, fear I would fail, fear I would be rejected, fear I would be bored, fear it would take forever to even get started, fear I would be overwhelmed, fear that things would work out and my life would pass me by, fear that I would hit very well and I wouldn’t be able to top myself, fear I would leave those I love behind.

Weirdly enough, once I got started on something, it was tough to pull me off.  It was just the cranking myself up that proved to be difficult.  Now I had to cut myself some slack.  I work a full-time job and am working on side projects for other people.  So my creative real estate is often rented out to others when I’m trying to access it for myself.  I’m also taking a shit load of professional development courses so that I can better understand and implement certain things on my projects and usually by the end of the day, that wipes me out too.

So armed with all this information, I made some choices recently.  I made the choice to set some real goals, exactly what I want and start creating mini goals to get there.  A great portion of goal accomplishment is working through the blocks and often times, I struggle in that department, but I have to force myself to do it.  I also have to begin with the end in mind and head for the abyss/the unknown.  Is that scary as fuck?  Hell yes!  I’m changing my entire life.  Anything that I find comfortable, I now question whether or not it is really serving me.

I come from a city where there is a lot of talent, but not a lot of ambition.  So sadly this, “Hurry up and wait” attitude was modeled for me at a very young age.  There are many with big dreams and they shout their dreams to the top of world, but their actions betray their words.  I know some artist who have told me how far they want to go, but involve themselves with a mate who is comfortable here.  Or they become irresponsible with drugs, sex or both.  They have children whom they cannot support and are forced to give up or drastically limit what they want to do.

Why I learned to just say, “Fuck it” and be myself…

“Bliss can be mistaken for anxiety,” is something my Life Coach tells me all the time.  For the past four years I have been studying the process of marketing, sales, persuasion inside and out to help me succeed with my goals.  I’ve also been doing a lot of inner healing so that my own emotional blocks will not hold me back.  When “Tricks” started to take off strictly on word of mouth, a part of me became very afraid – was I ready?  What if I connected with people who tried to strong-arm me in the way they wanted me to go and not in the way I wanted to go?  What if I got so determined to do it my way that I would dismiss opportunities right in front of my face?  What if I met people who told me “Tricks” wasn’t good enough and rejected me?  Well, I’m happy to say, I encountered all of this.

I had people who were extremely supportive, who were inspired, who were ecstatic, who were thankful that I told “their” story and there were some others who were jealous, some who turned on me and some who felt it was their God-given duty to point out all of the flaws of the film to me and to anyone else who would listen.  I’ve been rejected a number of times because of the subject matter of the film, but it sold out at the majority of screenings, on my website and in stores so I had a feeling I wasn’t that much off base.  Of course this made it somewhat difficult because it was tough to know what to keep and what to discard when faced with criticism.  What was genuinely meant for me and what was strictly about that other person’s own projections?  To this day, that is tough to call.

Then I started doing what I always do when I conclude a project, start working on the next one.  But this time, I was way more armed and less green than I was when I started out with “Tricks.”  My family and I decided to move some of our content online to build up awareness and a following while we work on our main projects.  I didn’t realize how much I had learned over the past few years and my knowledge directly correlated with some of the success we’ve been recently having.  My sister’s  cover songs are gaining momentum, her rendition of “Motivation” secured a solid 900 views in less that one week.  That’s small to some people, but we’re just starting out, so that was like hitting a small jack-pot on a scratch off ticket for us.  My ideas were working, I wasn’t as naive as I thought I was and we haven’t even started to implement 10% of the marketing we are planning to do.  I was ecstatic!  So ecstatic, I got sick.  I mean literally sick.  I started having various body pains, a constant sore throat, migraines, chest pains, and anxiety attacks about my mortality which landed me in several doctor’s offices for a few weeks.

When I finally dealt with this with my Life Coach, I realized that I was not afraid of failing, I was afraid of succeeding.  Deathly afraid.  Failing, I’ve done enough of that to know what it feels like, what to expect and what my distractions would be.  My imagination would whisk me away and I would go into its incubator until I was healed enough to come out and try again.  Although it was disappointing, it was comfortable.  I didn’t have to worry about ridicule, criticism, unjust personal attacks, losing friends or relationships, rejection, expectations, or trying to appease people as a way to apologize for my ambition – as long as I was at the bottom I was comfortable, I was not a target.